On the Verge

I'm not really sure what to do. My family is on the verge of total collapse and I'm sitting in the middle trying to decide whether to pitch in or save myself. Over the past few days I've had to use every trick I know not to fall into a nervous breakdown myself or just completely leave my family for the sake of my sanity. I'm afraid to leave because I don't want to lose my sister, the closest person to me. However, the twisted madness that is going on simply reminds me constantly of why I wanted to die.

It's times like this that I feel immense guilt and get scared about my ability to survive. Is it my bipolar that is causing the problem or my own internal weakness? Am I a bad daughter or am I dealing with impossible demands? Even if I did run away, do I deserve to have a happy life? And if I stay, can I find a reason to live while supporting people who will never be happy with what I do for them?

I don't think anybody has the right kind of advice and I don't know if it exists. I need more information but I don't know if it will come. I am scared about how to make it through the next few days when one part of my own support system is crashing down. If there was ever a time for a merciful fate to step in, this would be it.