Hard to Feel Blessed

This afternoon/evening was one long CBT exercise. I kept running into situation after situation where the depressed and anxious side of me wanted to think negatively and the other side of me kept having to go "no no no - positive thinking POSITIVE thinking!".

Cases in point:
1) I received news that my dance piece had passed the audition. At first I was all "yay!" and then immediately I was like "oh no! what if I fail to finish the piece - it's so much work!". What I should have been thinking was "They liked the piece, you have 4 weeks to finish, be proud of how far you've come" *
2) I go to reserve my free studio time only to find that there's very little free space/time. I immediately feel frustrated and frazzled instead of reminding myself that there are alternate places I could go to practice.
3) I want to celebrate, but have no time to really go out, so I go treat myself to a frozen tart yogurt. Instead of being mindful and enjoying the tangy yogurt and sweet mango, I feel pitiful celebrating all alone. Mind you, I should have been delighted to even be having the yogurt since I have denied myself that yogurt for MONTHS.
4) I come into ballet class and my friend isn't there and the teacher is someone who really shouldn't teach (probably dances wonderfully, can't teach a whit). My legs ache, my feet won't point, and of course in general, I feel like a crappy dancer. So, instead of patting myself on the back for even coming to class on a rainy day (I never dance well on a rainy day) on top of having WORKED OUT a few hours earlier, I get down on myself for being so out of shape.

Honestly...today was like a gigantic CBT exercise in action.


*I had a nervous breakdown over dance, but that's another story