Cleared

The storm is over for now. It's such a relief not to be caught in the throes of my mind. I've noticed that I'm resistant to my psychotherapy again. I think I need more than positive thinking and distress tolerance to help me out, but I'm using them like crazy.

It occurred to me that what I envy most are the people in the street who seem happy, healthy, and successful. To me, successful now means you have a job you do well and like and live with loved ones. Successful means you complete what you start. Right now, I want to look like those people in the subway who are smiling, who have a friend that they just ate dinner with, who look groomed and purposeful. To reach that, I realized that I will need to want to be healthy more than anything - to want to be better beyond normal want. That's fairly daunting to me.